I've had enough

I truly have. I hate job hunting with a passion. You're gonna get no humor from me today, just a healthy big dose of good old cynicism.

You remember that job I said I loved so much? The one where the staff seemed to really gel with me? The one I was almost certain to get? Surprise, surprise. I didn't get it. What was the reason? Well, as usual, there was none given, other than that, "Oh, it was a strong field, and unfortunately, we felt that another fitted the needs of the post better than you." Do you know how sick I am of hearing that? I'm bone weary of it. I'm so disappointed in fact, that I feel physically ill. How much more of this can I take? How many more rejections, before I throw my hands up in the air and say, "Right, that's it. I've had enough." Will tomorrow's rejection from Birmingham be the straw that breaks the camel's back? I'm frightened now. I don't want to not work. I don't want to give up wanting to look for jobs. But today, right now, I just feel so useless. I feel as though the whole effort of job hunting is just so fruitless, so pointless. Why keep putting myself out there, psyching myself up, when each and every time i'm bound to fail? Why do it, when it's wrecking my self-confidence? 5 interviews now. I've had 5, and all bar one haven't even bothered to give me a good reason why they're not employing. I'm very near that, "I've had enough," point, and it's scaring me.

Birmingham went well, although that means nothing, right? They said they'd let me know before the end of the week, but, as they're interviewing 64 candidates over 2 days, i'm not holding my breath while i wait to be offered the job... I don't want to suffocate.

That's it for today. Enjoy my depression... I'm not.